Online Dating...

Discussion in 'Online Dating' started by Anonymous, Dec 30, 2011.

  1. Anonymous Guest

    How to start?

    Hmmm, well, don't add anything too personal in your profile, DO though include your figure measurements (women) and size of your "goose" (men) as this will come in handy later on when you meet and share your "goodies". A suggestion for the ladies, carry a can of pepper spray in case the man lied about his goose which turned out to be only a gosling!!!
    To be serious though, keep it all simple, natural, and have fun, and oh btw, if one of you males find a blonde/brunette who is a swinger and owns a liquor store, please forward her information to me.... :D
  2. swan Well-Known Member

    Does that include bra size?
  3. Observer Well-Known Member

    And make sure you have a good head shot.

    If you're a woman, that means a picture of your face.

    If you're a man, it means your face OR your penis depending on the nature of the dating dating site.
    :lol:
  4. Cosmo Active Member

    First step turn on the computer .

    Second step go to favorite search engine .

    Third step type in __________ name of local area/ town followed by the word sex .

    Fourth fill out POOF member info Profile .

    Fifth , fill out income and other new "required" info.

    Sixth , wonder aloud how long your about me section has to be before being accepted by the system .

    Seventh, provide "free dating site" with CC info so you can get elite status and see if your messages and other perks are working.

    Eigth wonder what the hell you got banned for .

    Ninth go to local online coffee shop and try Virtual online dating by trying to pick up any woman who you think might be on a dating site.

    Tenth work your way onto POFUSERS and try a link to a better dating site or just stay and enjoy the forums .
  5. cobweb Well-Known Member

    lmao ^^^
    this is how it really goes

    pay friend to take over thier poof account
    fill in profile with lies
    lower your age for fear of 80 year olds thinking they will get jiggy with you
    lie about stats so SO cant search you
    then sign on 17 times aday so you can collect points
    read endless messages from ugly people
    spend offline hours wondering WHY ugly people write you
    question if perhaps you are ugly
    sign back on an upload azz photo
    reply to no body because they still are ugly..and like camping and fishing
    screw date profile part and start posting...watch your priveledges start to dwindle in a week
    dont wait for a ban....come here and goof around with the few people who DO like you
    theres no crying in posting...or baseball :whistle:
  6. tizzme Well-Known Member

    check out local guys in the search; find out you went to school with 99% of them
    know you don't want to date the majority of them
    the rest wouldn't date you
    find forums
    get addicted to forums
    read too many on-line dating horror stories
    decide to give up on the whole on-line dating thing before you even get one date...
  7. Choosejoy Well-Known Member

    email back and forth with a bunch of guys
    meet about six, like two
    hide profile, date both until one starts getting annoyed
    pick one and get on with life
    worked fine for me
  8. Cosmo Active Member

    That is very similar to how guys do it except ...

    select Picture only profiles , send out 400 blanket spam emails . ie .

    Hi ____________,
    I really enjoyed your profile. I too like,
    (select one)
    A. walks on the beach
    B.a nice glass of wine during a candlelit dinner
    C. deep tissue massage
    D. Yoga
    E.Tantric sex
    F. the forums

    Wow , I find it amazing that we both (select one )
    A. Love
    B. Hate

    things which may include but are not limited to .
    A.Animals
    B. Children
    C. sock puppets
    D. Clowns
    E.the outdoors
    F. reading
    G. Music
    H. time with family

    I really feel a connection with you, of all the other people on here because of your situation. You know what you want and you go for it I admire that in a partner/ soulmate.

    sincerely

    Spam D dater.

    What a guy receives as a reply day one (inbox 0), day two - four. (inbox 1)
    God, men like you make me sick. You think you are all that I hate you signed (not your Ex) day 4-15
    (inbox 4 )
    ( email #1)Hi I rally want meet you I leev near you city I has pitures my website.

    (email#2) God, men like you make me sick. You think you are all that I hate you signed (not your Ex)

    (email#3) I hef Big boobies, you date RRRusian Woman Plese Vist Veb Site for Morre Picture.

    (email #4) Hi my name is _________ I get a lot of emails on here but I really liked yours , you really are cute in your pictures , will you be my babies daddy ?

    day 17 .
    (Email 1)
    Hi I am really shy and I don't really do this much but I have been reading your email everyday since you sent it . We really do connect and I love you! do want to have coffee? or get married? I have pledged my virginity to god until I am married so the faster we get married the sooner we can have fun together. in fact if you want to skip coffee and just get married that's ok too. In my pledge I did not mention anything about oral or "other" types of virginity though so I guess that is an viable option for this weekend. You know if you like to get to know a girl first before popping the Big Question ...

    Guys selects only suitable response and begins dating.

    Two weeks pass , a strange Rash develops along with a burning sensation when peeing the relationship ends due to unforseen circumstances.

    days 32 on

    (emails 476)

    God, men like you make me sick. You think you are all that I hate you ...

    Guy hides profile at least until the rash clears up and the burning stops.

    The preceeding post was written in jest please practice safe sex and stay away from psycho online daters. :shock:
  9. cobweb Well-Known Member

    heeheee

    actually here is a true senario

    sign on to profile after you fall in love with cosmo ( dont worry same thing happened with ticket )
    there will never be a coffee date

    anyway

    45 email in inbox

    get all excited..rush to mirror and make sure you look good for computer screen
    grab a tea...and your eyeglbums
    1st mail >>>> HI!
    2nd mail >>>> HI!
    3rd mail >>>Hows your weekend
    4th to 40th >>> HI!
    4Ist mail >>>> you have a nice smile (( your not smiling in any photo ))
    this may be the point where your ready to tear someones head off
    42nd mail >>> HI!......ah gad...i wish i was....grrrrr
    find a known poster online and get in a fistacuff.....just for fun
    oh ya....i didnt read the last 3

    take cold tea and have a smoke.....sign on to other site to see if your banned

    sign on to ebay and buy things you dont need....at least you KNOW you will be getting them..at some point

    :pray:
  10. Cosmo Active Member

    hi .






    erm.

    According to Hoyles rules for online infatuation you are not supposed to refer to LURVE until the second email exchange. Unless preceded by
    at least 35 unannounced trips to the end of my drive at 3 am not more than three of which can be with your lights on . 17 incidences of anonymous workplace stalking and at least one broken knee in a cabin in the deep woods. Or barring that changing your phone number to be as close to mine as possible so that when my friends and colleagues call you by accident you can pretend to be the object of my affection and take messages for me so that you will have a binder full of reasons to be out side my bedroom window at 2:37 am.


    HTH :D
  11. betteroffsingle New Member

    Sign up at (enter dating site here)
    Receive a couple of winks from members
    Realize you cant send a reply with ponying up some cash for a membership
    Bite the bullet and pay for one month so you can correspond
    Get a phone number and graduate to texting to bypass the lag between emails thru the site
    Meanwhile get bombarded with fake members in the Congo or some other foreign land and eventually cancel your membership inside of a week
    Exchange texts at a blistering pace and realize that you actually share some common interests and this seems like someone who is genuine.....and on a dating site no less, what are the odds?!
    Arrange a date two weeks after texting like a couple of teenage girls
    Meet in a public place, head to dinner and then whatever, for us it was bowling then shooting pool
    Take her back to her car, she tells you it was the best date she's ever been on in all of her 41 years and is blown away because you opened the car door for her each time, says no guys ever do that
    Texting pace doesn't let up
    Go back and see her 2 days later, grill out on her new grill that she's never used, have an incredible day just talking
    Get a call the following weekend (Friday afternoon) saying her car just quit on her, tell her you are quite handy a with a wrench and can likely fix it
    She invites back to take you up on your offer
    By the time you get there (she lives 110 miles away) she has decided to trade the broken down car in instead, now you don't have to fix anything
    Spend the entire weekend at her place anyway, have some of the most mindblowing sex she says she has ever had, seriously, I'm not making this up
    Make plans for the following weekend
    Texting pace is still brisk
    Saturday comes and she tells you she is sick and not to come see her
    Texting grinds to a near halt
    Thursday before the next upcoming weekend, after getting near zero text or calls for 48-72 hours you ask if something is wrong
    Get the proverbial " I'm not looking for anything exclusive" text and "I want you see other people" response
    You oblige and tell her you will leave her alone, she has your number and can contact you if she cares to go out in the future
    Says she doesn't want to shut you completely out and that is fine
    You do what you say and leave her alone, you hear nothing from her for a month and counting
    You sign up at POF and stumble on her pic but don't read her profile because you don't want to show up on her "viewed me" list
    You delete all her contact info, texts (there were 6100+ in 30 days) phone number, email, everything
    Move on with a new prospective and realize that some people will say anything to get what they want, not just guys
  12. Jo van New Member

    I'm sorry to hear that, OP.
    I've had a similar experience.
    Women are sooo shallow, they just want to use us for sex!

    Don't they realise, we have FEELINGS too...? :(

    They have one-track-minds, almost anything will do, to satiate their insatiable, lustful demands. :?
    You can feel their dirty little minds, thinking filthy thoughts, as they 'mentally undress you".
    And the lascivious look in their eyes, as they hand you the 'Gala Pie', over the meat counter. :hand:

    I blame the media. Women just see us as 'sex-object', these days.

    Quite shocking really.... :snooty:

    :ugeek:
  13. betteroffsingle New Member

    I know the story sounds like "the shoe on the other foot" but it was quite disappointing thinking you found someone who truly enjoyed your company. It's all good though, chalk it up to a learning experience I suppose. Pehaps at some point she will look back and say, "Damn, that guy was really an ok person, what's wrong with me?" but I'm too old for games as such. I study psychology, not formally, though I would like to, but I glean all I can from the net from reputable sources and it has really opend my eyes to what goes on in the minds of people who act in such a manner. If there was one thing I was gulity of with her it was being too nice. That translates into predictable for many women and that is not a good thing. This won't prompt me to lean towards being a jerk in the future but I will tone down the niceness to a less predictable level.
  14. Jo van New Member

    Hahaha! Best bet, is to just be yourself, IMO.

    I seriously had a similar thing, on my first proper meet. I thought it was 'game on'...
    It's very easy to brush people off, if they get 'cold feet' or simply change their mind, as this can all be done by text, and email. I was quite devastated.
    I gave up after a few meets, it seemed too much like a series of 'interviews', and pretty much all 'blind dates', even if you've exchanged messages, and talked on the phone.
    So I'm not a good person to talk to, about it, from an encouragement POV. :lol:

    Both mod's here, (?) have met their 'significant others', via this method though, so I've no doubt that it CAN be successful.
    My problem was always, that the ones I get on best with, always live the furthest away.
    I call that effect "Jo's Law".

    There's probably something "revealing" in that, I'm sure... :shock:

    :ugeek:
  15. betteroffsingle New Member

    That's just it, I wasn't "laying it on too thick" in the nice department, just being me. Having to tone it down is where I'll have to depart from being myself. I'm a research junkie and all that research is where I found that women might say they want a "nice guy" when what they should say is they want a guy with the "right amount of niceness". Too much and you finish last, guaranteed.
  16. tizzme Well-Known Member

    A nice guy should always finish after his lady ;)



    :twisted:
  17. betteroffsingle New Member


    Well said, tizzme, well said!!
  18. Cosmo Active Member

    When I met my S/O online it was through the forums and we had both given up hope of finding someone and started just posting as ourselves amongst friends . There are a lot of people online who are 92% ready to date actively , They want to be with someone , they almost seem to need to be with someone but they are still not really ready to be with someone for whatever reason.Whether they are scarred from a previous relationship, fearful of new commitment or simply damaged beyond all repair only time will tell .In most cases the common internet user is a skewed study choice for a backyard psychological project.
    1. They are completely anonymous, posting from the comfort of their chosen space so they are possibly far more open than they would normally be.
    2. There is no way to accurately gauge the truthfulness or sincerity of their responses .
    3.Some people can have no Idea what they are talking about and yet sound very convincing in what they write.
    4. dating online is like dating anywhere else, it takes work, trust and sincerity, three things the internet has conditioned out of most people.

    If you sent thousands of texts in one month or another short period maybe that is all she / he /they were looking for, or maybe once they took the next step they realised they were not ready. Dating online / via phone or chat is like power dating in a very short time you can get to see almost everything the other person wants you to see . Ie. Nice guy , caring , funny , strong willed ... the list goes on and yet you may have socks all over the living room or a messy garage maybe you are too much of a neat freak or any other small issues which drive the other person nuts.Which they have not seen as of yet because your relationship has only been virtual up until that point.
  19. Cootie Queen Member

    Greetings! And welcome, Mike! 
     
    As a recognized oracle of oral and aural accouterment a la mode, I would be glad to give you the benefit of my hard-won wisdom and vast experience. 
     
    In order to do so, I will require a detailed explanation of the following statement with A L L the pertinent facts and descriptions included: 
     
    ,
     
     
    But, hang on a minute while I cue the ambience: 
     
     
     
    Light a candle: 
     
    [IMG] 
     
    Draw the bath: 
     
    [IMG] 
     
    OK, I'm ready. Dish, dude!!
  20. betteroffsingle New Member

    I'm liking this palce a whole lot already! :mrgreen:
  21. cobweb Well-Known Member

    Just curious....at what point durng the mind blowing sex did you confess that you are
    a SOCK-PUPPET.
  22. betteroffsingle New Member

    I'm a fairly intelligent guy but I have no shame in admitting I have no idea what you are talking about. Care to elaborate?
  23. Cootie Queen Member

    My dear, dear man ...

    Surely, by now, you have come to realize that all is not what it seems on the Internet.

    I know that my screen name and the content of my last post have conspired to give you the impression that I am a sexually scintillating and attractive FEMALE.

    I would rather you hear this from me, since I feel it is my duty to be "honest" with you on the cusp of our obviously burgeoning "relationship." the fact that you entered a post directly after mine means an airline ticket (oh, hell ... Let's be real - I'd settle for a Greyhound Bus pass) is on the immediate horizon!

    As such, I feel honor bound to reveal a pictorial documentary of myself in the comfort of my snug abode enjoying some of the sensuous delicacies that life will proffer (hey, don't knock it. I never wash dishes!):


    how 'bout it baby? Now that was porn!
  24. betteroffsingle New Member


    You made the grave mistake of ASSUMING I thought you were female, no no no, (insert cliche regarding assuming here). I was simply making an observation that this place is pretty cool. If in fact that is you in the video (I haven't watched it yet), well, I don't know what to say. I've been around the interwebz far too long to take things at screen value. :naughty:
  25. cobweb Well-Known Member

    Hey better:happy-cheerleadersmileygirl: :happy-cheerleadersmileyguy: :happy-cheerleadersmileygirl: goodgrief :roll: :happy-cheerleadersmileygirl: wasnt this someone elses job :happy-cheerleadersmileyguy:

    anyway...i was going to explain sockpuppet...but this...lmao..is even better

    The term "meatpuppet" (or "meat puppet") is used as a pejorative description of various online behaviors. The term was current before the Internet, including references in Ursula Le Guin's science fiction story "The Diary of the Rose" (1976),[24] the alternative rock band Meat Puppets, and the cyberpunk novelist William Gibson's Neuromancer (1984).[25] Editors of the online encyclopedia Wikipedia use the term to deprecate contributions of new community members if suspected of having been recruited by an existing member to support his position.[26] Such a recruited member is considered analogous to a sockpuppet even though he is actually a separate individual (i.e. "meat") rather than a fictitious creation. Wired columnist Lore Sjöberg put "meat puppet" first on a satirical list of "common terms used at Wikipedia," defining the term as "a person who disagrees with you."[27]

    Nevertheless, other online sources use the term "meatpuppet" to describe sockpuppet behaviors. For example, according to one online encyclopedia, a meat puppet "publishes comments on blogs, wikis and other public venues about some phenomenon or product in order to generate public interest and buzz"—that is, he is engaged in behavior more widely known as "astroturfing."[28] A 2006 article in The Chronicle of Higher Education defined a meat puppet as "a peculiar inhabitant of the digital world—a fictional character that pbums for a real person online."

    someone else ..like..seymour butts..hopefully will explain that bad po-rn
  26. Cootie Queen Member

    Somehow, I feel this is all jo van's fault:
    [IMG]
  27. betteroffsingle New Member


    I'm trying to dissect this. So I've been recruited by another member to support their position/further their agenda?

    /whooshing sound as it continues to go over my head/
    Maybe I'm not picking up the humor or sarcasm :think:
  28. cobweb Well-Known Member

    Sorry :cry: in my twisted way...i was trying to point out that maybe you were being used :shifty:


    But writing that...seemed boring

    I like my way of making an observation...
  29. betteroffsingle New Member

    Gotcha! Yep, felt quite used after that.......unfortunately
  30. cobweb Well-Known Member

    Gezzzzz...you must try and see the humour in this...like me

    This is where i would change my pof user name..... :idea:
  31. betteroffsingle New Member

    I'm slow today. Change my name here or at POF? I don't use betteroffsingle there. I'm 0-3 in walks down the aisle, all 3 unfaithful. I'd be content with a long term without the paperwork in the future
  32. cobweb Well-Known Member

    Oh man...quit whining :lol: i just changed mine and ....presto...i have 8 new messages

    I get ALL >>>> my!!! :shifty: GREAT ideas from others


    Ps...you wont be just another peice-o-meat to me ( most likely becuzz i will never boink you>> ever )

    6 ONLINE YEARS... that should be worth SOME forum cred :think:
  33. Choosejoy Well-Known Member

    now you're thinking.

    Hi, better, welcome.

    :D
  34. betteroffsingle New Member

    Thanks Choosejoy, glad to be here
  35. Jo van New Member

    Cheeses Better, Joy........get a room...? :roll:

    Don't mind cobweb lady, I've seen her, but, pics.
    And Cootie is a floozey, and only after cyber-sex, with cyber-noughts..
    That was her in the video, fat.... and flat-chested too... :snooty:

    "After losing at table tennis, Margot refused to even look at her opponent."
    :shock:
    I'd just like to point out, that ^^^ isn't me. :naughty:

    (She could cut glass, with those nipples.... :shock: )

    I'm more like this: [IMG]


    :ugeek:
  36. cobweb Well-Known Member

    I met my SO three years ago ( while being a cornhole ) on plenty,
    All i hear is....i was deceived.
    I tryed to tell him that it was an "online" persona....i cant help it if he got a bad version of pebbles from the flintstones.
    Hugh heffner wears a robe ...
    We probably both wanted a different partner..but neither of us has the will to carry on now
    I have no a-ss anymore and he gained 40 pounds
    I think we stay together because we both got a taste of bolonga sandwiches
    We had to sign a non restraining order...

    Looking back ...gosh..he really WAS a babe...( that wont be happening anymore ) :twisted:

    I am having HIS robe sent out to be cleaned :lol: :lol: :twisted: i think he needs ANOTHER clubhouse
    sandwich>>>> :cool:
    whatever bunny...i love you stugotzzzzzzzzzzz....and remember to get me my smokes ya %&^%$*$ xxoo
  37. Cootie Queen Member

    Come on, jo van ... You know I am a living, breathing Barbie look-a-like. See??
    [IMG]
  38. betteroffsingle New Member

    POF just might be coming thru!! Got a message today from a woman who really dug my profile. Said it gave her hope that there might actually still be some men capable of intelligent conversation, imagine that :eek: ! We exchanged several messages tonight, I'm convinced it will continue. Stay tuned.......... ;)
  39. Cootie Queen Member

    Hooray, Mike! Try to get a webcam going ASAP ... To see if she really looks like her pics.

    Just keep it light and easy until you SEE her.

    Good luck! :clap:
  40. Cootie Queen Member

    Ladies, if you want to be as successful as Mike, you should follow these tips:

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